How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
