You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
