i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
