if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
