Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I smell stomach acid.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
