JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
