You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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