I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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