She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
