my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
