Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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