Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
