i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
