I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
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I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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