the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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