He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
