dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
