I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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