...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
