coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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