The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
