I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
