he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
