Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize