How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
