dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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