the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
