ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
