if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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