you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
