How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
