He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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