I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
