and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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