Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
