I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
