True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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