Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
