just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
