Kiss
Puke
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
