Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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