why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
