That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
