dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
