i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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