3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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