I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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