you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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