cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Drake has all the answers
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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