I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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