I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
