I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
