Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
