I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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