Non-Jews are for practice
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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