If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
