i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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