We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
