You're so nebulous sometimes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
