Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
