Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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