I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
