Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
