meet me or not, i'm out of control
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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