i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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