At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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