I just saw a hot homeless man
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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