Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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