I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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