I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
