would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
