dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
