there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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