I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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