It's Friday. Sex?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
