Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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